Dave Richards' Weekly Column in The Woonsocket Call




Dave Richards for June 30th........

--They're still whining about the word "Plantations" in the official name of
our state. Give me a break! That whole topic is nothing more than a petty
and obsequious power play to do something "because we can" and not because
it needs to be done. The way I see it, overly sensitive and under-loved
people who are generally unhappy with their own lives are trying to feel
like they are powerful and playing a race card to do it.

Honestly, in all my years on this planet, nobody has ever suggested that the
word "plantations", as it was meant in the 17th century, was anything more
than a large agricultural plot of land. That's what they meant when they
said it, it was not used as a demeaning term. I have never spoken to anyone
who was offended by it, either. This is just a faux controversy contrived
for someone's amusement. Well, I am not amused. And any local legislator who
is sucked in by this rubbish is going to have to explain themselves to me if
they vote for it.

I say leave the name the way it has always been. I happen to be a bit proud
that I live in the smallest state with the longest official name.

One more time for emphasis, my mother's father was pure-blooded Cherokee
indian. But I am not offended by the Woonsocket Villa Novan Indian Head
mascot, or "Joe Novan", or any of that, because I know that when they say it
they don't mean to hurt my feelings, conjure up negative memories, or make
me mad. These selfish half-wits who want to change our state's official name
are the ones who make me mad.

--I'd like to add my own warm congratulations to community leader Dave Soucy
for having been named the Grand Marshall of the 2009 Autumnfest Parade. When
Autumnfest General Chairman Bob Phillips told me the Grand Marshall had been
chosen, he told me that when I learned the name I would say to myself, "Wow.
What a logical choice! Why wasn't he chosen before?" Bob was right.

--It's been a tough week for celebrities. And there are lessons for those
who are or would like to be celebrities. First, if you want every TV and
radio channel to mourn you, give them something to play (ad nauseum). Farrah
Fawcett had some great movies and a 25 year old hit TV series. The world was
in shock when she died, but a few hours later when Michael Jackson died it
was "Farrah who?"

The Fabulous Denise and I were having a delightful supper at The Chowder
Bowl on Friday night. The occasion was the arrival for a visit of Denise's
mother, Jeanette and her husband Vern. As we munched, we each noticed that
from the speaker above our heads came one Jackson song after another, played
by the oldies radio station. Okay, it's pop culture. And Mr. Jackson gives
them a lot more to work with in the form of pop tunes and a mystery of why
he died. Ah, the public loves a mystery!

There are some of us who have observed how often disasters and deaths of
celebrities and such "come in threes". Some of us have observed it so often
that we have come to expect it. So, going into the weekend I was wondering
who would be next. Some friends suggested that retired CBS News anchorman
Walter Cronkite would be next. But Mr. Cronkite's family has issued a public
statement explaining that while Walter continues to suffer from
"cerebrovascular disease" and is "not expected to recover", he is not near
death as rumored.

Then the rumors started circulating on Saturday that Jeff Goldblum had died
in New Zealand and that movie actor Harrison Ford had fallen off his boat
and drown. Both hoaxes. I'm happy to say that both gentlemen continue to
breath. So who would it be? Who would be "number three"?

You probably know the answer, and it was as big a surprise to me as it could
have been. Billy Mays, the bearded big-mouthed pitchman who yells at you on
TV to buy 'Oxy-Clean' and other products failed to buckle his seatbelt
aboard a plane flight into Tampa, Florida and the plane had a very rough
landing. So rough that it blew out a tire on the aircraft and the overhead
bins opened up, spewed contents everywhere and I understand that Mr. Mays
hit is head on something. He laughed about it at first. The next morning he
died. Number three.

--Oh, and speaking of hoaxes, I saw a huge one this past weekend. My dear
friend Flo Bourget got a laugh at it, too. It's an email he forwarded to me
of two blurry snapshots claiming to be taken by a passenger on the Air
France flight which broke up and crashed over the Atlantic Ocean last month,
supposedly taken at the very moment the aircraft broke up. Along with the
obviously contrived photos was an imaginative and equally contrived story of
how the photos were found on the remains of someone whom they even named, to
fein even more authenticity. Of course it was a hoax. If you get this email,
well, now you know.

--Have a great Independence Day. Be safe. We'll see you at the Arnold
Mills parade in Cumberland and later that day in Chepachet for the Ancients
and Horribles parade. For fireworks, though, the Pawsox have the biggest
show around. Two of them, in fact.

--That's what I think. What do you think? Comments to dave@onworldwide.com.
Thanks for reading.

--30--



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